sashayed:

me: okay, that’s enough. i can’t live like this. i gotta change my life. i gotta make moves

the world: ok here is an Opportunity

me:

carriebongstein:

me, logically: it’s never gonna happen
the tiny hopeful goblin in my brain: but what if it did

princessharam:

teacher: let’s go around the class talking about our hobbies n interests:) let’s start wth you shall we? :)

me:

thatisrad:

girlsfrommars:

thatisrad:

You don’t have to fake orgasm to help your partner’s ego. The guy I lost my virginity to wrote a play about the experience, and the character based on me gave a monologue about how she regretted sleeping with him because no one else would ever be that good. So, yeah. Just tell him you didn’t cum. 

Im sorry he wrote a fucking what

For those asking for the play,

It has not been published or produced. My friends and I burned the copy I had. It was bad. It was this poorly written, poorly constructed play that read like a manifesto of a predator. It featured a monologue about how easy it is to fuck virgins including the line “it’s like shooting fish in a barrel. No, dead fish in a barrel. No, it’s like tying a fish to the end of your gun and pulling the trigger.”

cuckroach:

patient: i dont feel well

me: okay well i have it worse also didnt ask

theshitneyspears:

Me: 2018 is going to be my healthiest year yet.

Also me:

pirategf:

pirategf:

i literally never force myself to do anything thats probably my biggest problem abjzsdgdhdj

me: ugh i dont want to do that

brain: dont do it then

me: can’t argue with that

isaac:

me,swimming:wow this is amazing i love the ocean

me, when seaweed touches my foot: I imagine death so much it feels more like memory